“Spouse,” I say, coming in the house after driving home in the rain, “we need to research new tires for the Mini.”
The WideEyedSpouse perks up. New tires means hours of research on TireRack, DiscountTireDirect, and Mini Cooper S forums. Productive research, not idle research. The Spouse opens his laptop.
Do we get tires that perform best in snow and rain but are less ideal in summer asphalt conditions? Would we prefer a better warm weather adventure driving experience and have tires that are merely adequate during the times of year when it is best to go slow and careful anyway?
Do we replace the run-flats that give a buckboard ride to the Mini with conventional performance tires and toss a donut spare in the boot? “How spirited is your driving?” the Spouse asks me. This isn’t a subject I care to discuss. I pretend I didn’t hear the question.
As we watch evening TV (Episode 107 of Star Trek Next Gen), I listen to the Spouse clickety click around the internet. I see that he has several windows open simultaneously and he isn’t really paying attention to the TV because Captain Picard makes a funny face and the Spouse doesn’t laugh.
“Ok,” he finally turns the laptop toward me, “I figured it out.”
Pictured on the laptop screen is a BMW 3 series station wagon. A vehicle widely acknowledged as providing one of the best driving experiences in North America. I look at the image and then look over at the Spouse. “Heh?” I ask.
“It comes with new tires,” he says.
And that friends, is how the WideEyedHousehold handles every day vehicular wear and tear. So far I am resisting the car fever. It is kept low-grade by the winter temperatures this week. It is too frigid to make any decisions about anything. And way too cold to have a really enjoyable test drive.
wideeyedfunk 
I see absolutely nothing wrong with my logic. The BMW 3 series always makes the Car and Driver 10 Best list and the 3 series wagon is widely regarded as a fantastic piece of automotive engineering. If we got one with the X-Drive system it could handle any weather conditions. All that and they come with new tires too. No hassle of selecting the proper tires, ordering them, dealing with an automotive shop to have them installed. We would simply have to go to the BMW dealer, take a test drive, sign some paperwork, drop a few dollars on the table and drive away with a brand new set of tires and as a bonus they would be attached to a brand new car. We would probably even get some complimentary beverages. I see no negatives in that scenario.
When I suggest that I may want to get a new car I do not. When Lee Ann wants one it shows up in the driveway within a week. Good luck spouse, If you win this one you truly are the boss. I’ll be monitoring your progress!
Your writing makes me feel like I am there listening instead of here reading… familar logic wideeyedspouse; great, funny, story wideeyedfunk! Look forward to warmer weather and the “end of the story”.
“Tires are shot. The answer obviously is a new car.”
I need to try that here!