“Spouse,” I say, coming in the house after driving home in the rain, “we need to research new tires for the Mini.”
The WideEyedSpouse perks up. New tires means hours of research on TireRack, DiscountTireDirect, and Mini Cooper S forums. Productive research, not idle research. The Spouse opens his laptop.
Do we get tires that perform best in snow and rain but are less ideal in summer asphalt conditions? Would we prefer a better warm weather adventure driving experience and have tires that are merely adequate during the times of year when it is best to go slow and careful anyway?
Do we replace the run-flats that give a buckboard ride to the Mini with conventional performance tires and toss a donut spare in the boot? “How spirited is your driving?” the Spouse asks me. This isn’t a subject I care to discuss. I pretend I didn’t hear the question.
As we watch evening TV (Episode 107 of Star Trek Next Gen), I listen to the Spouse clickety click around the internet. I see that he has several windows open simultaneously and he isn’t really paying attention to the TV because Captain Picard makes a funny face and the Spouse doesn’t laugh.
“Ok,” he finally turns the laptop toward me, “I figured it out.”
Pictured on the laptop screen is a BMW 3 series station wagon. A vehicle widely acknowledged as providing one of the best driving experiences in North America. I look at the image and then look over at the Spouse. “Heh?” I ask.
“It comes with new tires,” he says.
And that friends, is how the WideEyedHousehold handles every day vehicular wear and tear. So far I am resisting the car fever. It is kept low-grade by the winter temperatures this week. It is too frigid to make any decisions about anything. And way too cold to have a really enjoyable test drive.
The Spouse heard an ad on the radio for Mike Barney Nissan at approximately 7:35am last Thursday. We were in a period of remission with the Car Fever, having administered the aggressive treatment of switching cars so we both felt like we had New Cars. It seemed to be working. But then that ad came on the radio and in the 15 seconds it ran, the Spouse’s fever raged anew. His hands quivered, his heart palpitated, his eyes glazed – no I wasn’t there but I’ve seen the Fever strike.
I received his email at approximately 10am. Nissan is offloading the 2012 Pathfinders, it said. Emails from the Spouse often include Cars For Sale topics: the 1971 Lincoln Continental, the 1974 Mercedes Benz 280, the 2002 BMW 740iL, the 1969 Triumph GT6+, the 1978 Mercedes Benz 450SEL and that is just in one month – all advertised on Craig’s list, Hemming’s classifieds, a taped up handwritten sign at work. There’s always a car out there.
The Spouse’s email also pointed out that we would have less trouble hauling the gear and pets on vacation if we had a Pathfinder. He casually mentioned that probably Buffalo would actually have snow this winter, and the Pathfinder is a 4×4. These are Justification No. 3 for getting a new car (Car Fever Part 1) -well established new car irrationalizations.
I sighed, saved my grant proposal draft and headed online to read Pathfinder reviews.
I learned that this model Pathfinder will be the last of the truck-based Pathfinders. The 2013s will be crossovers, based on a car platform. Eww, I thought. I read reviews critiquing the Pathfinder for lacking entertainment: no little movie screens, no on-board GPS, no useless stuff I don’t care much about. I learned that the Pathfinder drives like a truck, not a car. That a person can pop this giant, beautiful vehicle into 4×4 low and head off road. After all, it’s called a Pathfinder, a Path Finder, paths are off-road…trucks go offroad. I was not offended by any of the reviews which seemed to miss the trucky point of the Path Finder.
My reply email to the Spouse simply asked, do you want to test drive one? His answer came before my finger lifted from depressing the mouse button on SEND. Okay, he said – I could feel the raging inferno of his Car Fever through the email connection. It coursed through the ten miles separating us. Its virulence infected me, and all I could think about was getting my Mini Cooper S back (the Spouse took it in our Car Trade) because we would surely sell the Rabbit.
We headed over to the dealer armed with an insurance estimate and the happy knowledge that Nissan was probably desperate to get rid of the old, trucky Pathfinders before the new sleek, car-like versions came out.
There were several dozen Pathfinders on the lot. We met Charlie the salesman. We drove an S. Boring. I felt nothing. The Spouse felt disappointed. We got in an SV, which has a good bit of kit as the Fifth Gear guy says. Even has a backup camera that gives an insect like eyes-in-the-back-of-your-head view. Yes, we said, we want this. But we don’t Need it. Charlie, the Spouse and I spoke plainly, even abruptly, moved through hours of negotiating in about 15 minutes. Yes, no, yes, no, lower, it’s already at cost, lower, will you commit to a buy? If it’s lower.
At approximately 7:35pm, we had a 2012 Nissan Pathfinder. Car Fever was broken. The Spouse claims that he can enjoy life again. He claims that he can stop searching the internet for cool cars. He claims that he is done with the Car Fever. This time, he says, he got a vehicle that he can keep for good.
I mean really, he’s only said that 13 times before. You know what they say, 14th time’s the charm.
The Spouse in Pathfinder: Self Portrait. Doodle in Pen on Acid Free Laser Printer Paper (8/30/2012).
Seven slightly irrational justifications for buying a new car when you have a perfectly good car already – by the WideEyedSpouse.
1. The warranty is expiring and the newer car has a great warranty.
A car out of its warranty period will “potentially” need large, costly repairs. A warranty protects you against out of pocket repair expenses.
The VW Rabbit’s warranty is waning and we live in a snowy region…time for change?
A brand new car warranty is bumper to bumper. Anything that can or will go wrong is covered. No out of pocket costs for repairs, except maintenance items. If something feels weird with the car, it makes a funny sound or possibly even breaks down and stops running…no problem, send it to the dealer, they investigate it and if necessary make repairs with no cost to you. You need the piece of mind that comes with a new car warranty…trust me.
2. The tires are getting worn.
This one sells itself, it’s a no brainer. Why buy a new set of tires when you can just buy a new car with new tires? Tires are expensive.
If you do buy the new tires instead of getting a new car, have no worries…this is still advantageous. A used car with new tires has better trade in value that one with worn tires. Sure the increased trade-in value is not equivalent to the cost of the tires, but who cares…it makes sense in car fever logic.
3. The current car doesn’t function for your lifestyle.
Work the angle on this one to get into the car you desire. Examples:
SUV – We need more space.
4×4 – We need a better car for the snow. Even if you are in Arizona you can use this justification. Anything can happen with climate change.
Luxury car – I want a car that illustrates my career achievements and it will be comfortable for the long drives to visit family.
Sports car – This is a tough one, but usually a spirited test drive with the spouse will result in agreement that the car is a worthwhile purchase.
The spouse on the test drive technique was effective.
Truck – We need to be able to haul stuff for working on the house. A side benefit of a truck is that it comes with the possibility of purchasing something requiring a trailer…like, say, a boat.
Economy car – if you are desperate and just need to have something new an economy car is an easy one…good gas mileage, low insurance, lotsa airbags, etc.
Hybrid – I like driving too much to bother with the empty feeling of driving a hybrid. So I have no reason to justify it.
4. The trunk may have a leak.
This can be morphed into whatever problem abets your car fever cause…there’s maybe an oil leak, a radiator leak, the suspension sounds funny, transmission doesn’t feel as smooth as it used too, it’s making a weird noise…. Whatever the issue…it could lead to the failure of the car, out of warranty repairs, hassles all over the place – and therefore justify a new car purchase.
5. The equity isn’t going to improve as the car gets older.
Plain and simple. If you have enough self-control to have actually paid off your car loan in full…that is commendable. Congratulations. But you are driving around in a huge down payment on a new car. What are you thinking? Go trade your car in on a new one right now! The car will have less value at trade in the longer you own it. You are actually losing money as you read this.
Mazdas are always strong players in the equity game.
If you are like me and have serious car fever, you bounce from car to car and have accepted a life with perpetual car payments. I keep a car until the value of the car exceeds the amount I owe on the car loan. That means I have equity and equity translates into money towards a new car. Equity is a car fever sufferer’s best friend. Sure, I could wait until I have paid the loan off and then the entire value of the car goes towards the new car, right? But if I have two years left on a car loan and I trade in the car on a new one, am I not saving those two years of car payments? See how the irrational justification works? It doesn’t have to make sense, it just has to result in a new car.
6. The newer vehicle:
a) has better fuel economy,
b) is safer,
c) includes updated technology.
Fuel economy: Nope. Economy: Nope. Haul and tow stuff: Yeah. Powerful engine: Yeah. I wanted it: Yeah.
This one works well when used in conjunction with the changing lifestyle justification. Also, I have a whole list of features that my ultimate car should have: powerful engine, alloy wheels, turns signals on the fenders, heated seats, seat memory, etc. As long as any given car lacks one of those features, I have justification to continue my quest for the car that has them all. Plus as new technology is introduced, items can be added to your list of desired features. So arguably no car you own will ever have everything you want it to have…this is really one of the most powerful tools in the car fever suffer’s arsenal.
7. And the pièce de résistance: the payment is the same, anyway.
I use this one every time I get new car. It is what makes everything ok and does away with any concern that I might be making a bad decision by trading in yet another car that works perfectly fine. Since I have car fever and have accepted car payments as a part of my life, as long as I keep the payment the same with the new car what’s the harm? If you can get the payment lower than even better. I have actually been able to lower my payments over the years by purchasing cars that retain their resale value well and have more equity at trade-in which lowers the cost of the new car and the associated monthly payment.
And really. We are all adults. We don’t have to do these mental exercises. If the car fever strikes, if I feel like it, I just get a new car.
wideeyedfunk 