Humor
Comments 10

Surviving the zombie apocalypse just got more complicated.

I prepared myself. I read FEMA’s advisements for disaster preparedness. I studied The Zombie Survival Guide. I watched Shaun of the Dead, Night of the Living Dead, 28 Days Later, Walking Dead, and Zombieland.

I learned that:

  1. Zombies just aren’t smart. They aren’t stealthy. They don’t think.
  2. Zombies have a single, consuming, burning desire – to eat, variably, brains and living flesh.
  3. We can outlast Zombies. Their bodies rot will away around them. Eventually. Probably.
  4. My 12-gauge shotgun and plenty of BBB shot, high velocity shells will get me through. Well, and a pair of good sneaks.

I was wrong.

Throughout Buffalo last weekend I saw signs that the apocalypse has arrived. And the zombies are more dangerous than any of us feared.

  1. Zombies can drive.  Will cars become their hunting tools? The abilities to drive, to be safely locked in the steel boxes, to flee the urban areas have always been the mainstay of human survival in the zombie apocalypse.
  2. Zombies like a bargain. Discounted gasoline. Yard sale deals. The implication? They are planning on some kind of future and wish to conserve personal resources.
  3. Zombies remain prone to fits of hunger-rage. The yard sale sign was found fluttering along a main roadway blocks from its origin. Clearly Something Bad transpired.

I’m uncertain about how to plan for the new zombie apocalypse. Do I need more, bigger weapons to take on carloads of shopped-out, starving zombies? Should I avoid sales of any kind? I worry that none of us will survive the new, complex zombie threat.

I wish you well in the battle for survival and perhaps I’ll see you in the aftermath.

Advertisements

10 Comments

  1. Aunt Betty says

    If we visit Buffalo will we haeve to be prepared to fend off zombies?

  2. WideEyedSpouse who shares concerns over the Zombie menace says

    Zombies appreciate a bargain just as much as the next person, especially during a recession. Yard sales are a great place to get deals on used merchandise and clothing. With most every car manufacturers offering low financing rates and great lease deals, it only makes sense the zombies would turn to driving to expand their hunting grounds. What better way to get to those rural strongholds that humans seem to like so much in times of peril. Gas stations offering discounts on fuel makes it a no-brainer. Why walk at that slow, lumbering zombie pace when they can eat up the miles with a motorized vehicle. I am happy that zombies are making strides to adapt to our society. Just have to do something about that whole eating humans thing…maybe we could develop some tofu based alternative to humans?

  3. MomtoWideEyedSpouse says

    Yikes! :- ( Zombies?? Another worry?! Isn’t global warming enough? : – )

  4. Karen matsinger says

    OMG, my family has been turned into Zombies. Thanks for enlightening me to my pending doom.

  5. Dwain says

    Caroline, I’m gonna have to think about this tonight and I’ll have a well prepared response tomorrow. You should rest! Love ya though

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s