wideeyedfunk

Category: Cars

Things with motors and wheels are exciting.

  • Why Teenagers in Beater Cars Always Speed

    The Spouse and I were ripping down the QEW (Queen Elizabeth Way) from Niagara On The Lake in Canada to the Peace Bridge border crossing. Our bellies were full of British style pub food from the Angel Inn and the Mini Cooper S was enjoying running at higher rpms for a little while. The speed limit on the QEW is 100kph – about 62 miles an hour. Normal highway pace. Rarely have I seen anyone moving so slowly.

    Traffic was pretty light. It was midday and the Canadian rush to the U.S. for cheaper mall shopping was over. The Spouse had the Mini cruising in the right lane without obstructions. Every now and again a massive BMW or Mercedes would blow past in a blur of color and grace. We’ve seen this phenomenon in Europe too, and have long speculated that other countries must offer a Speeding Pass to the owners of luxury performance cars. I am always jealous when the tail end of a Beautiful Car disappears ahead of us.

    I noticed that the Spouse was intently watching the rear and side mirrors. Usually this signals the arrival of something spectacular: A Boss 302. A Ferrari, Aston Martin, or Bugatti perhaps. I glanced behind us and saw what looked like a red brick lumbering down the QEW passing lane.

    The Spouse stoically watched it pass us: an ancient, rusted, teen-filled, bald-tired, exhaust belching beater.  “Pour it on Mercury Topaz,” he said, “gotta stay ahead of the breakdown.”

  • Car Fever: Part 1 – Irrationalizing a New Car Purchase

    Seven slightly irrational justifications for buying a new car when you have a perfectly good car already – by the WideEyedSpouse.

    1. The warranty is expiring and the newer car has a great warranty.

    • A car out of its warranty period will “potentially” need large, costly repairs. A warranty protects you against out of pocket repair expenses.

      The VW Rabbit’s warranty is waning and we live in a snowy region…time for change?
    • A brand new car warranty is bumper to bumper.  Anything that can or will go wrong is covered. No out of pocket costs for repairs, except maintenance items. If something feels weird with the car, it makes a funny sound or possibly even breaks down and stops running…no problem, send it to the dealer, they investigate it and if necessary make repairs with no cost to you. You need the piece of mind that comes with a new car warranty…trust me.

    2. The tires are getting worn.

    • This one sells itself, it’s a no brainer.  Why buy a new set of tires when you can just buy a new car with new tires?  Tires are expensive.
    • If you do buy the new tires instead of getting a new car, have no worries…this is still advantageous.  A used car with new tires has better trade in value that one with worn tires.  Sure the increased trade-in value is not equivalent to the cost of the tires, but who cares…it makes sense in car fever logic.

    3. The current car doesn’t function for your lifestyle.

    • Work the angle on this one to get into the car you desire. Examples:
      • SUV – We need more space.
      • 4×4 – We need a better car for the snow. Even if you are in Arizona you can use this justification.  Anything can happen with climate change.
      • Luxury car – I want a car that illustrates my career achievements and it will be comfortable for the long drives to visit family.
      • Sports car – This is a tough one, but usually a spirited test drive with the spouse will result in agreement that the car is a worthwhile purchase.

        The spouse on the test drive technique was effective.
      • Truck – We need to be able to haul stuff for working on the house.  A side benefit of a truck is that it comes with the possibility of purchasing something requiring a trailer…like, say, a boat.
      • Economy car – if you are desperate and just need to have something new an economy car is an easy one…good gas mileage, low insurance, lotsa airbags, etc.
      • Hybrid – I like driving too much to bother with the empty feeling of driving a hybrid. So I have no reason to justify it.

    4. The trunk may have a leak.

    • This can be morphed into whatever problem abets your car fever cause…there’s maybe an oil leak, a radiator leak, the suspension sounds funny, transmission doesn’t feel as smooth as it used too, it’s making a weird noise….  Whatever the issue…it could lead to the failure of the car, out of warranty repairs, hassles all over the place – and therefore justify a new car purchase.

    5. The equity isn’t going to improve as the car gets older.

    • Plain and simple.  If you have enough self-control to have actually paid off your car loan in full…that is commendable.  Congratulations. But you are driving around in a huge down payment on a new car. What are you thinking? Go trade your car in on a new one right now! The car will have less value at trade in the longer you own it.  You are actually losing money as you read this.

      Mazdas are always strong players in the equity game.
    • If you are like me and have serious car fever, you bounce from car to car and have accepted a life with perpetual car payments.  I keep a car until the value of the car exceeds the amount I owe on the car loan.  That means I have equity and equity translates into money towards a new car. Equity is a car fever sufferer’s best friend. Sure, I could wait until I have paid the loan off and then the entire value of the car goes towards the new car, right?  But if I have two years left on a car loan and I trade in the car on a new one, am I not saving those two years of car payments? See how the irrational justification works? It doesn’t have to make sense, it just has to result in a new car.

    6. The newer vehicle:

    a) has better fuel economy,

    b) is safer,

    c) includes updated technology.

    Fuel economy: Nope. Economy: Nope. Haul and tow stuff: Yeah. Powerful engine: Yeah. I wanted it: Yeah.
    • This one works well when used in conjunction with the changing lifestyle justification. Also, I have a whole list of features that my ultimate car should have: powerful engine, alloy wheels, turns signals on the fenders, heated seats, seat memory, etc.   As long as any given car lacks one of those features, I have justification to continue my quest for the car that has them all. Plus as new technology is introduced, items can be added to your list of desired features.  So arguably no car you own will ever have everything you want it to have…this is really one of the most powerful tools in the car fever suffer’s arsenal.

    7. And the pièce de résistance: the payment is the same, anyway.

    • I use this one every time I get new car.  It is what makes everything ok and does away with any concern that I might be making a bad decision by trading in yet another car that works perfectly fine. Since I have car fever and have accepted car payments as a part of my life, as long as I keep the payment the same with the new car what’s the harm?  If you can get the payment lower than even better.  I have actually been able to lower my payments over the years by purchasing cars that retain their resale value well and have more equity at trade-in which lowers the cost of the new car and the associated monthly payment.

    And really. We are all adults. We don’t have to do these mental exercises. If the car fever strikes, if I feel like it, I just get a new car.

  • Dear Other Drivers, You Don’t Own the Road. Sincerely, Me.

    You don’t own the road.  I know it is so hard to believe and so profoundly, deeply unfair, but you don’t own the length of road between where you are now and where you want to be. I don’t mean where you want to be in 1.2 seconds because, ok, you might arguably have rights to that space. I am saying you don’t own the whole path from A to B. You also don’t own all of the lanes when you are going around a curve that actually requires you to steer. You don’t own the entire street, even for the few moments you are stopped in the middle of it to send off a quick text. Therefore, you don’t need to have fits when someone else, namely Me, goes around you, merges into a lane you have claimed, makes a turn several hundred feet in front of you, takes an exit you were thinking of using, or stops for a red light that you intended to run.

    Because you don’t own the road, it is equally unnecessary to punish me for my use of it. I do enjoy your aggravated gesticulations, including the head shake, fist shake, wide open palm wave that indicates your shock at my actions, and the very classy, very classic middle finger. I particularly like the performances where you mime punching me, shooting me, or shaking me by the neck. I admit that I find more disturbing your swerving toward me, tailgating me, and the ever effective pulling in front of me and slamming on your brakes. But you know, I have ten airbags. I’ll probably survive the wreck. Will you?

    I find it curious that none of you, upon our mutual arrival at the natural foods co op, are sufficiently committed to your defense of road territory to actually speak to me outside the confines of your auto armor. If you feel strongly enough about my trespass that you are willing to teach your toddler passengers new words and gestures, perhaps you might consider real communication with me.

    We aren’t having a race. I mean it. I am not racing you. If I happen to pass you, it is because you are going slower than me. Most likely you are going slower because you are on the phone or texting. When I do pass you, I am not emasculating you. Or stealing your feminine power. I am not trying to beat you home – I don’t know or care where you live or when you get there. I am not trying to get to the co op before you do, because I am pretty sure they have enough organic French lentils for all of us.

    Because it isn’t a race, if I attempt to merge onto the highway, I am certainly not challenging your position in the flow of traffic. I know, I know, it feels like I am pushing you back, diminishing you, making you a loser when I merge. But I promise, I won’t contest it if you must accelerate wildly to pass me after I squeeze into your lane two seconds before you run me off the road.

    Even if you did own the road, I’d still use your space, and if we were racing I would win. You see yourself as the Road Warrior, you are the BMW or the Peugeot in the Ronin chase, you are playing Grand Theft Auto in real time, you are the master of all of you survey in your powerful machine thrumming with the might of 90 or maybe even 400 horses. But make no mistake, you aren’t the master. My car is faster, nimbler, and probably smaller than yours – it has the trifecta of urban maneuverability. I could take you if I wanted. Easily. But I am polite so I don’t. Most of the time.

  • Why Muscle Cars Will Never Die

    Last Monday I was stepping smart through the Deep with my new long-handled shovel gripped in my left hand. The tempered steel blade shaft was clanking, not incidentally, against my wedding ring. I was fretting about the strength of the theoretical argument I just finished writing and my feet may have been moving but my mind wasn’t there. A cap wearing, middle aged, rangy man with about three days of whiskers caught my eye. He gave my shovel a significant look and said “Hey now, as soon as you’re done burying your old man, you give me a call.” He used all of his teeth in a smile.

    I stumbled, yanked out of my thoughts. What? Heh? I replayed the last minute in my head. My eyes got wide as I figured it out and I started hooting and laughing, because I am that cool.

    “Oh, you know I will,” I told him. It was an easy promise as I hadn’t really ever planned to dig my husband’s grave.

    I paid for the shovel and headed out to the car. A pale blue Roush Mustang was parked out front – illegally – and I paused to snap a shot of it, because really, who doesn’t love a great muscle car?

    The Mustang’s engine revved and it rumbled toward me as I took the picture. It turned the corner and the passenger window whirred down. “Remember, you get that burying done, you call me!” The engine roared and the car disappeared in a cloud of late season pulverized rock salt.

     I thought about it as I tossed the shovel into the back of the MCS. I eyed the sharp gleaming metal blade. I considered that pretty blue muscle car. Well, maybe…