Hamish the Corgi is guest writing this week. I, WideEyedFunk, bear no responsibility for the opinions expressed below.
I am disgusted by recent household events and I am done with sulking. Miss Tibbit was forced to attend dog training classes a couple of weeks ago because she is mildly disobedient, and in my opinion, really obnoxious. She is a toy-stealing, leash pulling punk. I believed Dog Training was a punishment. I have recently become aware of some facts that have made me rethink that notion. I now believe that I have been cheated.
Here are the top 10 reasons I believe I have been cheated.
1. Miss Tibbit gets fed treats one after another for an hour during training class.
2. Miss Tibbit gets fed treats one after another for an hour during training class.
3. Miss Tibbit gets fed treats one after another for an hour during training class.
4. Miss Tibbit gets fed treats one after another for an hour during training class.
Sit? Stay? Come when called? Ridiculous to treat for these. I sit WITHOUT treats. I don’t need to be called because I am attentive to my people. Who knew a dog could GET treats for simple assignments.
Which brings us to point 5.
5. Miss Tibbit gets treats for normal, decent behavior.
6. Miss Tibbit is bad, regularly, and gets treats during the short moments of being good.
7. Miss Tibbit is upstairs barking right now. She is going to get a treat when she makes the decision to stop barking.
I bark and then stop barking all the time. Do I get fed treats? You know I don’t.
8. Miss Tibbit gets treats for walking nicely in the park. Guess who has been walking nicely in the park without a leash, for years? Treats? Don’t be absurd.
9. Miss Tibbit gets a treat for sitting nicely when the WideEyedSpouse comes home. That is simply no way to display love and absolutely does not deserve a treat.
10. Finally, the worst offense: Miss Tibbit gets fed treats one after another for an hour during training class.
I now realize I have been going about this all wrong. I have made poor lifestyle decisions. Sniff the winds of change WideEyedHousehold. Say hello to Bad Hamish. Say hello to well-treated Hamish. You have been warned.Good bye and good day.
I knew eventually Hamish would get wise to the reality of dog training. We leave every week with a huge container of treats and when we come back…they are all gone. Plus both Tibbit and our hands smell strongly of snacky goodness. It was only a matter of time…he isn’t stupid. It was wrong of us to hold the truth from him. I only hope he does not bring his plan to fruition.
Poor Hamish,,, I’m sure you are treated well…
Treated well, sure. Well-treated and stinking happily of meaty snacks? That’s a negative.
Awww Hamish the injustice of it all! I hear there’s a “fast bus” out of your city several times a day; jump on and I’ll meet you at the other end. Seldom snows here, just surf, sand and equitable and abundant treats! None of that Pavlov’s dog thingy…….
I do love the beach…
Better to be bad then good than never to have been bad at all
You are preaching to the choir elderdelphin. I am now embarking on bad. I am breaking them in easy and I started with simple barking at nothing today.
Hamish looks as if he means business.
Bacon-beef snackies are serious business. Miss Tibbit receiving more than her fair share is a crisis.
Power to the Corgis! Be strong, my brother!
Thanks for the support! My plan is working and my belly is getting rounder!
Ah, if only life was fair.
I hear that. Hamish has adjusted things here to make jis own fairness in the past week or so. He is looking full and happy these days!