Hamish the Corgi is guest writing this week. I, WideEyedFunk, bear no responsibility for the opinions expressed below.
I am disgusted by recent household events and I am done with sulking. Miss Tibbit was forced to attend dog training classes a couple of weeks ago because she is mildly disobedient, and in my opinion, really obnoxious. She is a toy-stealing, leash pulling punk. I believed Dog Training was a punishment. I have recently become aware of some facts that have made me rethink that notion. I now believe that I have been cheated.
Here are the top 10 reasons I believe I have been cheated.
1. Miss Tibbit gets fed treats one after another for an hour during training class.
2. Miss Tibbit gets fed treats one after another for an hour during training class.
3. Miss Tibbit gets fed treats one after another for an hour during training class.
4. Miss Tibbit gets fed treats one after another for an hour during training class.
Sit? Stay? Come when called? Ridiculous to treat for these. I sit WITHOUT treats. I don’t need to be called because I am attentive to my people. Who knew a dog could GET treats for simple assignments.
Which brings us to point 5.
5. Miss Tibbit gets treats for normal, decent behavior.
6. Miss Tibbit is bad, regularly, and gets treats during the short moments of being good.
7. Miss Tibbit is upstairs barking right now. She is going to get a treat when she makes the decision to stop barking.
I bark and then stop barking all the time. Do I get fed treats? You know I don’t.
8. Miss Tibbit gets treats for walking nicely in the park. Guess who has been walking nicely in the park without a leash, for years? Treats? Don’t be absurd.
9. Miss Tibbit gets a treat for sitting nicely when the WideEyedSpouse comes home. That is simply no way to display love and absolutely does not deserve a treat.
10. Finally, the worst offense: Miss Tibbit gets fed treats one after another for an hour during training class.
I now realize I have been going about this all wrong. I have made poor lifestyle decisions. Sniff the winds of change WideEyedHousehold. Say hello to Bad Hamish. Say hello to well-treated Hamish. You have been warned.Good bye and good day.