Humor, Life
Comments 8

You Funks and Your Damn Doubles

After 23 years of losing at backgammon to Funks, the Spouse might have a valid point. We Funks tend to roll doubles. Kind of a lot.

If you have never played backgammon it might be hard for you to get why he complains so much about Funks and Doubles. Here are the essentials: you have to move all of your pieces from A to B on the backgammon board. You move them according to the numbers you roll on your two dice. If you roll doubles, it is like you have four dice – you get to move four times instead of two. Double sixes are the EZPass lane. Sweet.

Rolling doubles is fun. Rolling doubles makes a person smile with lucky joy. Rolling doubles makes a person feel smug, even if they try to not show it. Observing your opponent rolling doubles is annoying. It is like getting a mystery chunk in your nice cold glass of milk. You can overcome it the once but multiple offenses turn the whole thing sour.

The Spouse learned to play backgammon in the summer of 1989 on the giant screened porch attached to the back of the Parents big old South Jersey Victorian. Two Brothers and I were home that summer (Younger and Older. Oldest lived elsewhere by then.) and we played backgammon a lot. Hours of evening backgammon while hungry bugs worked at the screens, desperate for our blood. Older Brother was almost unbeatable. Younger Brother played indifferently. If the Spouse wanted to spend any time with me, he had to learn backgammon. I think he learned about Funks and Doubles in his first game.

I just asked the Spouse how many games of backgammon he has won from Funks over the years. He claims he’s had winning streaks. That there was time when he could not be beat. When I sniveled over losses. (I do not remember this.) Ok, I changed my question, how many times have you won against Older Brother? The Spouse shrugged and pretended to be busy with his iPhone.

The WideEyedHousehold went on vacation last week. We did the back to nature thing and walked in the woods, had campfires, and when it rained we played backgammon. I rolled doubles more times than I did not. I won the first game. Best of three, we thought. I won the second. Because of abundant doubles. One more game, we said. I won. Doubles. A final game because the Spouse really thought he could do it. Halfway through he couldn’t stand it anymore. What’s up with you Funks and your  #%*!@$ing doubles!  I mean…really! Then he got a double or two. But he lost.

Funks roll doubles. It is just one of those things. Sort of entertaining for us. Useful in the moment. Serving no greater purpose. I’ll take it. Rolling doubles is better than not.

Game 3. Soon to be a loss for the Spouse.

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8 Comments

  1. My trainer at the gym has an exercise program that varies based on the dice you roll. And doubles mean you have to do twice as many reps. You would not want to roll doubles then!!!

      • MomtoWideEyedSpouse says

        Avoid the gym if you must, but not your keyboard. Another great chuckle from the wideeyedfunk!

  2. What I learned from this posting: the difference between rolling doubles and not rolling doubles appears to be equivalent to the difference between crowing and eating crow.

  3. Message to the Boss…Stay away from dice games with the Funks. Try gin, it doesn’t taste that good, but you can’t loose!

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