Humor, Life
Comments 10

17th Wedding Anniversary: Furniture

No traditional gift is defined for the 17th wedding anniversary. Evidently, being married for 17 years is somehow unremarkable. A middle anniversary. One where you aren’t newlywed, nor have you achieved anything truly notable. It is just part way along the long haul. It is Indiana if you are stuck driving from New Jersey to Minnesota. It is Iowa if you are taking the interstates from Buffalo to Phoenix. Not interesting, not there yet (whatever that means for wedding anniversaries), but at least making some progress.

In modern gifting etiquette, the 17th anniversary gift is furniture. I am disappointed in this because at first I read the chart wrong and thought it was porcelain. I need a new toilet, a new bathroom sink, and a crown to replace a fracturing molar in my maxilla. Porcelain seemed just about perfect. But furniture?

I guess the giftie list inventors figure that by 17 years the kids and/or dogs have pretty much ruined anything nice you ever had. Maybe it would be a nice anniversary present to sit on a sofa with no crumbs or dog hairs. To have a chair that only you have read in. To get some new mattresses that haven’t any springs poking up. The Spouse and I don’t NEED any new furniture. I mean, it just isn’t a priority right now.

The 17th giftie seems better than the 16th though. Last year the Spouse and I were supposed to purchase (or be given) silver hollowware. I guess I don’t know or care what that is. I am pretty sure we justified the purchase of a new double door LG gas range. That’s silver. And hollow. Huh. What do you know, we are instinctive anniversary gifters.

I cruised ahead on the gift list to see what goodies will come on future anniversaries. Jewels. Land. Books. Luxuries of any kind (ran out of ideas I guess). Then, in year 44, groceries. My god. Groceries. That’s something to look forward to. For my 44th wedding anniversary I’m going to be poor enough, hungry enough that groceries seem like a really great gift. Or I’ll be a survivalist hoarder and groceries will be an even more satisfying gift.

Yesterday the Spouse and I celebrated 17 years of being married by having saffron poached salmon and mussels cooked on our hollowware stove, eaten on our heritage Grandma’s dining room table furniture. If only I had also been using that new porcelain crown.

The Spouse brought me a packet of peanut butter cups. I ate them. I bought him a lottery ticket, giving him nothing or millions of dollars. Seventeen years. Where ever has the time gone?


    • Maybe I am looking at it wrong. Maybe groceries on the 44th anniversary isn’t a sign of desperation or weirdness but is instead a signal of long years of running errands together. Might be a wedding anniversary, but people still need half and half for the coffee and a loaf of bread. Or, you and mom are survivalist hoarders.

  1. Dwain says

    Got Lee Ann a handle for her mop last year…16th….ER wasn’t busy that day, back home in an hour! Happy A-Day!

    • Well Dwain you might have jumped the gun by a year if a mop handle can be stretched into the furniture category. Oh wait – was it silvery because that would make it silver hollowware and just right. On the other hand, you might just be entirely rogue in your anniversary gifting!

  2. Aunt Betty says

    Guess we missed the gorceries. (We’re on year 53) but at current grocery store costs that would be a prety hnice gift.

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