wideeyedfunk

Tag: cat litter

  • 10 Reasons Miss Tibbit The Useless Little Black Dog May Not Lick My Face

    10. Miss Tibbit is a dog and has aromatic dog mouth.

    9.  She licks the floor.

    8. She licks the sidewalk. Oh, why? Because it has on it flavorful substances like gum, bird crap, spit.

    7. Miss Tibbit bathes herself and her pal Hamish the Corgi with her tongue. I don’t want that on me.

    6. Miss Tibbit enjoys cat litter snackies. She eats the crumbs from the basement floor. You know how it works: the cat jumps out with litter stuck to his feet. The litter scatters. Tibbit cleans that up. Two strikes – basement floor and cat litter.

    5. Two days ago I yanked a rotting baby bird carcass out of her mouth by its little feet. It was mostly down her throat already so I had to have a good, strong grip on those curled up bird toes.

    4. Miss Tibbit has sticky spit.

    3. She sniffs the cat’s butt, and I can’t be sure she does it from a sanitary distance.

    2.  She licks her own wet nose.IMG_1762

    And finally, the hard limit, the final unarguable reason:

    1. I just now saw Miss Tibbit eat cat crap that some city cat left in my garden. Yes, I am glad it is gone. No, I am not happy Miss Tibbit ate it.

    Miss Tibbit is a sweet, lovey useless little black dog who likes nothing better than to greet people with kisses. Just saying, think about it.

  • Sweet Tibbit’s Very Bad Day

    She thought it was a great idea at the time. A remarkable opportunity even. How often is a dog left alone in the basement after all? As she snacked her way through the tasty cat box bites, Miss Tibbit savored the rewards of her momentary independence. The biggest, best bits gone, Sweet Tibbit thought she would have just one more nibble of the wheat cat litter. Delicious. She paused, licking her chops, and yes, perhaps one more sample. And another. Perhaps a bit more.

    I admit, that part is recreative speculation based on observations taken during subsequent events.

    The first hour after Tibbit was found in and removed from the basement, she couldn’t get comfortable. Her belly was too achingly full to lay down and she sat on the bed next to me awkward and tense, staring intently into the middle distance. I wondered then, did Miss Tibbit regret her feast?

    I left for a couple of hours of work, where concentration was hard won as I imagined the messy horror Sweet Tibbit may have been producing. Returning home finally, I was relieved to see that all was well.

    All wasn’t well. I simply remained ignorant of the coming storm.

    Sweet Tibbit’s belly decided it had enough of the tasty little box treats and it evicted the partially digested material. Voluminously. Twice. On two separate rugs. The aroma was remarkable. It was an aggressively physical miasma that billowed out from the sloshy and disturbingly lumpy source puddles. The WideEyedSpouse retched helplessly as he cleaned the first puddle. Later I came across him retching over the second puddle as he prepared the steam cleaner. Again I wondered, does Miss Tibbit feel regret? Has she learned her lesson?

    Feeling better and prancing around the house, Miss Tibbit decided she would like to spend some time in the yard. I was only too happy to oblige her. It was an elegant justification for removing myself from the event horizon. But then of course, Sweet Tibbit engaged in Stage 2 processes. Not nice. Not nice at all.

    It is now two days later, and Sweet Tibbit apparently is empty. She is getting tired of bland rice for breakfast. Bland rice for dinner. Bland rice for snackies. She licks at the rice and rejects it as inedible. Which, given recent events, I find pretty amazing.

    Did Miss Tibbit learn a lesson from her Very Bad Day?

    Ten minutes ago I caught her doing preliminary investigations of the litter box while I was in the basement. Useless little black dog.